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The art of happiness
The more I learn about happiness, the more I realize it’s not possible to feel it all the time. Surprisingly it is a good thing, because it turns out every extreme emotional state comes with a price. The good news is that we can learn to regulate the frequency and intensity of happiness by making the right choices. This is the knowledge I appreciate the most on my bad days – just like the one I’m having today.
Where happiness begins?
Today things are off. Working too much, not sleeping enough, emotionally engaging into personal projects – all of that is taking its toll on my mood. I know that I have two options: either go down the black hole of sadness made of no particular reasons (because apart from the fact my schedule is tight, there’s nothing bad going on in my life) or try and figure out the art of happiness. For the sake of our mutual wellbeing, because I know you might be interested in some advice too, I lean towards the second option and start the research. A few studies read later I begin to understand that happiness, an emotional state often questioned by philosophers, isn’t something impossible to put into objective, easy-to-explain frame. Experiencing happiness is based on primal, physiological, chemical reactions. The key words to understand them are hormones and neurotransmitters, released when we experience something that stimulates us in a positive way. There are 3 main hormones that scientists associate with happiness:
Giving hormones a helping hand
As long as we keep these hormones in balance, we’re more prone (yes, I know that the word „prone” doesn’t stand for 100% effectiveness but please keep in mind how complex the subject of health and general wellbeing is) to feel happy. Easier said than done? Not necessarily. Although navigating through the endocrine system can be a bumpy, wild ride, there are ways to help us keep the seat behind the wheel. According to Dr. Andrew Huberman, one of the leading neuroscientists at the Stanford University School of Medicine, we can biohack our way to hormonal sweet spot.7 All we need to remember about on a daily basis is to:
Remember that you don’t have to master all these elements to feel better. A routine that’s too complex can be overwhelming, especially on bad days. Try to start with something that’s accessible and easy to engage in. One step at a time and I promise, you’ll get there.
Happy genes vs happy choices
We know what happens in our bodies when we’re happy. But the hormonal balance isn’t enough to get us into this emotional state – it just makes us experience happiness easier and more often. To start the internal reactions, we need a stimulus – something that, according to our beliefs, will make us live happily ever after. Studies show, that almost 50% of our level of happiness is based on genes.16 Some of us are just more prone to looking at the bright side of life, feeling good about themselves or staying optimistic on a daily basis, no matter what life brings. Technically it’s a lot, especially if you were born in a family that considered catastrophizing as a hobby. But let’s not lose hope, genes are not the only component of what makes us happy after all. According to the same study, 40% of our happiness is rooted in the choices we make. As a person who likes the idea of being my own driving force, I already feel better. But what are the choices one should make to be happy? It turns out that the things we usually dream about at night are not the ones that can buy us happiness. New clothes, fame, big bank accounts- even if the material goods feed us with better mood, this state is far from long-lasting.
Where happiness lies?
Money can’t buy happiness. According to the world’s longest study17 on adult development, led by scientists from Harvard University since 1938, the only thing we should invest in for more than momentarily happiness, is relations with others. Over the course of 75 years they’ve tracked lives of 724 individuals (and now they track lives of more than 2000 of their children), coming from different social and economical backgrounds. Boys from the first group were sophomores at Harvard college, boys from the second one came from the poorest areas of Boston city. It turns out that their life starting points determined neither their achievements levels, nor happiness levels. Some of the men climbed all the way up the career ladders (fun fact: American president John F. Kennedy was part of the original group), some fell all the way down – and it didn’t fully define their happiness. Some became famous, some stayed anonymous – and it didn’t fully define their happiness. The same applies to the types of jobs they chose, the amount of money they made and the parts of the world they lived in. The only thing that truly made a long-lasting impact on their perception of happiness was the fact of having relations with others. As Robert Waldinger, the director of the study said, the main conclusion after decades of analyzing the study data is: good relationships keep us happier and healthier.18 People who are more socially connected are healthier – both mentally and physically – and live longer. On the other hand, people who spend their lives in loneliness, involuntarily isolated from others, tend to be less happy, experience body and brain decline much earlier in life and live shorter. If you look at the number of friends you have on social media and think you’re covered, think twice. The second important lesson the Harvard scientists learned is that it’s not the quantity but the quality of relations that matters. It’s not just about having a partner – it’s about having a partner who cares, understands, listens and supports. It’s not just about having besties to go out with – it’s about having people who will be there for you in your darkest hours. And it’s not just about not being alone – because a companion who makes you feel unloved or unworthy makes your health and happiness levels decline.
Won’t I be happy until I get married?
If you’re trying to figure out the faster way of getting married and having kids, because you’re so eager to be happy, please stop. The level of happiness we can get from connecting with others has nothing to do with social labels. It’s all about real bonding. Even if you’re single and having children is not on your life purpose list, you can still lead a perfectly happy life. So don’t ask yourself „will happiness find me?” and act. All you have to do is to engage in a community (of any kind actually, as long as people who’ll surround you will share your values and help you grow) and establish friendships. Studies show that meaningful relations that are not based on blood ties help you build courage, creativity, self esteem, resilience and give your life a purpose just like the ones you have with (happy) family members.19
Can happiness make me look good?
Apparently, good mood can be as significant for our looks as good beauty routine. When we feel happy, we not only feel better about ourselves, but simply look better. We tend to make better food choices and eat foods promoting health, strength and beautiful skin.20 We sleep better, and boosted blood flow gives us the radiant glow.21 We are less tensed, and relaxed muscles are less prone to contribute to the formation of face wrinkles.22 And on top of that, when we’re happy, we attract others with our positive attitude, which makes bonding and feeling even happier easier.
Can it really be this easy? Is being with and for people who we care about and get care from enough to feel happier, live longer and look better? I’m willing to check. I have just called a friend.
Marzena Jarczak
An international model based in Paris. A researcher, copy writer and a journalist exploring for us the areas of neuroscience, brain, biohacking, living healthy life. Author of Out & About series discovering cultural life in Paris in all its aspects. A strong, wise personality with a growth mindset.
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